I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
