It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she told me i tasted like america
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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