i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
