look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
