He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
