I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
