mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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