i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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