His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
