It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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