The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
