did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
