worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
