If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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