I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
