And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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