Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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