Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
