just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
