New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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