just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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