Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
