Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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