im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
