I am puke
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
