You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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