And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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