ya dads aren't the best wingmen
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
