so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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