i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
