i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
