Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
