the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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