Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
