I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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