please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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