i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
