I got chris browned last night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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