I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
