I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
