Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
