I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
