remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
