Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
