Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we're making bets on your personal life
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
