4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
