So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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