Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
