so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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