im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
