you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
