dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
