Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
